


COOL GUYS BLVD (+cartman)

by Tweekpuncher



Category: South Park
Genre: Bustyboy, Funny, Group chat, Multi, bazongas, boobs, breasteses, college age, digireedoos, heavily implied style, nipple sucking, titties, very lightly implied buttman, whangdangdoodlewongers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tweekpuncher/pseuds/Tweekpuncher
Summary: Them boys discuss Butters' weird boobs in a confusing groupchat format.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	COOL GUYS BLVD (+cartman)

**Author's Note:**

> uh general offensive language warning i guess. i mean its sp what are ya gonna do.

**SERVER**

**COOL GUYS BLVD (+cartman)**

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Stan do you still have your Org Com book from spring?

VEGAN PUSSY

uhh maybe. i have to look.

i thought you were taking advertising?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Full

VEGAN PUSSY

):

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

why do we have to have a textbook for pencak silat

why do we have to take a phys ed class

why am i putting myself so deep in debt my great grandchildren will have a lien on the womb so i can take gym

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

same :(

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

definitely not same

capitalist pig

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

You mean wolf of wallstreet, abortion >:)

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I think it’s supposed to help with stress.

Like if freshmen are too busy playing adult dodgeball they won’t have time to shoot up the school.

VEGAN PUSSY

why didnt you guys just take yoga w me?

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Cuz I dont have a vagina. Kyle?

VEGAN PUSSY

dude this isnt south park. you keep talking like that and youre gonna get expelled and/or your fat ass beat. hopefully both.

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I’m taking basketball. What were you taking again, Cartman? Wasn’t it the only theory-only class that fills the phys ed requirement?

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Its not nice to make fun of me for my disability. Disabled people are people too kyle, no matter what you think

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

“Performance anxiety” isn’t a disability, you stupid asshole.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

cartman do you get performance anxiety in any other situations

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Isnt Butters in yoga too?

VEGAN PUSSY

yeah. why?

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

See, its a pussy class uwu

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

speaking of which just because butters is too nice to call you out for using all his meal credits doesnt mean i wont stab you with a spork

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Dude I think it’s time to let Butters take care of himself.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

no hes my pwecious baby bunkbuddy im gonna keep him safe under my bunny dewlap

this is why all your pets die

VEGAN PUSSY

dude

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

...sorry kyle

VEGAN PUSSY

kenny you see butters shirtless in your dorm right?

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

somebody’s jealous >:3

look out for homewreckers kenny

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

ya why

VEGAN PUSSY

we change together before yoga

i just wanted to see if you noticed anything weird

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

What the fuck are you talking about

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

Oh you mean his titties?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

What the FUCK are you talking about?

VEGAN PUSSY

i mean yeah

does he wear a bra?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

WHAT

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

WHAT

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

depends. he wears a sports bra when hes gonna be moving around a lot.

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

BUTTERS HAS BOOBS

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

usually he just wears a soft undershirt

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Why does Butters have boobs!?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

because you guys are grasshoppers and i am an ant

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

KENNY STOP STYPING IN ONE LINERS EXPLAIN

**KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ uploaded umarutantrum.gif!**

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

maybe i dont want to

...okay jk i do

you know how girls boobs get bigger when you play with em and suck on em?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

That’s just a wive’s tale.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

um youre wrong actually

ive been sculptin those tits since i was ten

i earned those boobs

dont you dare imply otherwise

VEGAN PUSSY

why did you give butters boobs

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

brb gotta take a fat SHIT

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

JUST TAKE YOUR PHONE WITH YOU!!!

FUCK YOU KENNY!!!

Stan what does Butters boobs look like?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Gay

VEGAN PUSSY

idk like puffy?

theyre not round like girl boobs theyre kinda pointy i guess

like skinny girl boobs kinda

yknow when theyre small but also kinda saggy but not like saggy really

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

You’re doing a great job Stan. Why aren’t you a creative writing major?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Like Wendy’s boobs?

VEGAN PUSSY

uh when have you seen wendys boobs kyle

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Dude she doesn’t wear a bra like, ever. It’s not exactly a mystery what’s going on under there.

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

facts

**KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ uploaded thatsrightbrutha.png!**

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

back

damn that was a good dump

toilet paper was clean on the first wipe

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

You’re loving this attention, aren’t you?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

kyle youre being so rude

i would never interrupt you while you were trying to talk about your great poops

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

No way it was clean on the first wipe. Thats impossible.

VEGAN PUSSY

no its not

see a doctor cartman

kenny why did you make butters have boobs

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

uh cuz im a genius??? i dont understand the question

why do you guys think im tryna be a cosmetic surgeon? you think ya boy gonna be operating on babies with third degree burns n shit? hell naw all i wanna do is make TITTY

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Are you guys dating?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

bro thats gay

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Laughing my ass off over here

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

damn it must take a lotta laughs to laugh that thing off

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Are you saying I have a big ass? But don’t you LIKE big asses, Kenny? Are you sure you haven’t been pining for me??? o:

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

yeah im sure

i like round asses, not sad droopy flat tire cheeks

if i was pining after any of your asses it would be kyles

VEGAN PUSSY

DUDE

SHUT THE FUCK UP

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

why are YOU mad?

i just said IF im not actually pining for your boytoy

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Are you seriously making gay jokes right now?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

whos joking?

VEGAN PUSSY

FUCK OFF KENNY

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

I have no ass left. It’s gone. I laughed it all away.

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I still have a LOT of questions, dude.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

shoot. but not literally. do not shoot kenny. ):

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

How long have you been doing this?

Why Butters?

Why did Butters let you?

Why in general?

VEGAN PUSSY

were his nips that color when you started?

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

What color?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

okay in order

fifth grade dude i already said that

i like butters. hes cute and i like sucking his tiddies.

VEGAN PUSSY

WHEN were you doing this? how are we just finding out?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

ask butters why he let me. have you guys never had your nips played with? its awesome.

you guys have sad sex lives.

look dude i dont know how to make this any clearer. i like boobs. i wanted to have easy access to boobs. i put in the work to make the boobs myself. now i get boobs whenever i want.

are you guys just mad you didnt think of it first?

VEGAN PUSSY

when were you doing it? I dont even remember you and butters spending any time alone together

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

dude dont pretend you guys kept track of me

i was gone for the entirety of 2002 and all you said was “hey where have you been”

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

We weren’t alive in 2002.

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

How are they?

Butters boobs?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Now who’s gay?

VEGAN PUSSY

can we just stop accusing eachother of being gay. this whole thing is gay. also thats homophobic. i thought you were better than that kyle.

not you cartman

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

It doesn’t count when it’s Cartman.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

theyre awesome

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Actually, wait.

You’re right, Stan. Sorry.

VEGAN PUSSY

:)

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

theyre SUPER soft. like he doesnt have mammary glands (afaik) so you know how girls always kinda have those harder parts inside the titty meat they dont want you squeezing?

VEGAN PUSSY

i guess

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Yeah totally!

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

he doesnt have those so its kinda more like an asscheek i guess? just soft all the way down. and they squish real good up between your fingers. like theyre not as firm as a normal boob but its super awesome. its like kneading bread dough.

theyre small but they make up for it in quality

and his nips are the most perfect flawless thing ive ever encountered

stan did you see his nips

VEGAN PUSSY

not clearly

kinda

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

theyre like big fat cherries

or little baby strawberries

or gumdrops maybe? something sweet and pink

but big

his nips are bigger than bebe’s

oh fuck if i could have one of butters’ boobs in one hand and one of bebe’s in the other

or like that thing they do in anime porn

double paizuri i think

where two girls press their titties together and then you fuck the middle

OH MY GOD guys im hard

one sec im gonna text bebe real quick

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

ill brb too

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

This is super weird.

VEGAN PUSSY

yeah it is

have you ever touched a boob

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I’ll DM you.

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

kay back

what was i saying

oh butters boobs

do you guys just wanna see them yourselves? he wont mind

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Pictures or in person?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

either

both

here i have a couple on my phone

**EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON uploaded wwwwww.png!**

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

WOW

THOSE ARE BREASTS

VEGAN PUSSY

oh my god

what did you do to that poor kid

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

KENNY

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

arent they beautiful

and thats just how they look

have you guys ever smelled butters? like really smelled him

he smells like a baby blanket but like one that was just washed so it doesnt have puke and shit on it

all boobs kinda taste the same ngl

and he LOVES having his tits sucked

i bet if you ask he’ll let you guys do it

VEGAN PUSSY

uh im good

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Yeah thanks but no thanks.

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Back

nvm brb again

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

he makes noises like a girl bein eaten out

sensitive little clitty titties

i swear they twitch when he really wants it

like they get so full and hard

you can SEE them get bigger when he gets boob-horny

if he just sees me looking at his chest he melts

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Okay dude completely non-judgmentally: are you bi?

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

no kyle im not why is this so hard for you to understand

i like boobs

stan help me out here

VEGAN PUSSY

i guess i get it

you know when you see a dude with a really poppin ass

you dont really think about how its a dudes ass yknow?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Yeah no I have no idea what you’re talking about.

VEGAN PUSSY

maybe its just hard for you to understand cuz you dont like boobs in the first place

wait shit

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

pffft what the fuck

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Stan what the fuck I told you not to tell anyone like two god damn seconds ago!!

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

who the fuck doesnt like boobs whats wrong with you dude

VEGAN PUSSY

it was an accident i s2g

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

back

Whated I miss

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

kyle no likey boobie

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

oh god my ass

i just got my ass back dont make me laugh it off again

the stitches havent closed yet you bastard

VEGAN PUSSY

he just doesnt like em cuz they make him think of his mom

its not weird

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

STOP I CAN’T BREATHE XDDDD

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

i get it though

boobs make me think about your mom, stan

VEGAN PUSSY

):

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

BRAH

**KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ uploaded wwwwww.png!**

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

wait wrong image

**KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ uploaded whenyohomiegettinroasted.png!**

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

You saved the Butters boobs pic

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

No I didnt i just misclicked

VEGAN PUSSY

you did

you saved it

EMILY’S DICKIN’, SON

did you guys not? why wouldnt you?

cartman brah you can touch em irl

butters doesnt mind i swear

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ

Kenny I’m gonna DM you

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Ahahahahaha

VEGAN PUSSY

hahahahaha

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ blocked #OCCUPYTHISDICK!

KING GRAND WIZARD ERIC T. CARTMAN ESQ blocked VEGAN PUSSY!

VEGAN PUSSY

this has been really weird

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Yeah thanks for pointing that out I hadn’t noticed

VEGAN PUSSY

i mean we done been knew but i guess kenny and cartman are boob men

you know im an ass man

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I could live without all of this information.

VEGAN PUSSY

what are you?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

Wym?

VEGAN PUSSY

what do you like best? ass? legs?

#OCCUPYTHISDICK

I’m late for class TTYL

VEGAN PUSSY

...

oh theres my org com book


End file.
